i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
