i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
