I'm going to rape someone's good day.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
