I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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