i think my tv is drunk
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
