Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
