According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
