Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
