i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
