mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize