I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
