he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
