We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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