I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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