come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize