i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
