awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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