Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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