ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
