i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize