I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
bring money and cleavage
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So apparently I’m into choking now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
