That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize