He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize