My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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