I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
