as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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