those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
