i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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