C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
