oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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