I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am available for nakedness
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
