Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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