i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
