lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm always down for nudity.
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