I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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