Umm I'm too high to move.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
