it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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