We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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