Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
