If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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