I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
