just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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