i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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