i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His nipple licking is glorious
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
