I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
