He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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