Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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