apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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