Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
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