I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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