this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
