I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
