Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
