Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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