its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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