I just saw a hot homeless man
I can text with my tongue
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
