I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
