so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize