My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
