so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
