I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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