Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
