my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
