I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
