You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
