Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
