HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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