don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
